A zine exploring gender expression and the girlboys.

London 2021

(This is an amended version of the essay I submitted on the Zine, it contains lots of thoughts on the work and I wanted to share them since I really enjoyed organising and thinking through the submissions!)

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Solitude in the pandemic has alleviated many of the societal pressures of traditional gender performance. My photo essay aimed to explore gender expression by documenting thoughts, ideas, feelings, moments, and outbursts of gender in one place. It has taken the form of a Zine called GIRLBOY: Expressions of Gender.

(Fig 1. Instagram callout post, two slide carousel)

I took a lot of time to try and organise the Zine in a cohesive manner. I wanted it to evoke feelings of intrigue, curiosity, understanding, and joy.

One of the first submissions I received coined the word ‘girlboy’, which I thought was a lovely, succinct way of describing what this photo essay was exploring. I created an image (Fig 2) based on two books I was given as a child; The Dangerous Book for Boys, and The Girls Book: How to be the Best at Everything. Two objects which I was very fond of, but today find almost comedic, and ironic. The front cover is an opening statement/abstract to the essay; this zine is for the GirlBoys.

(Fig. 2 From left to right: GIRLBOY cover, G.Iggulden and H.Iggulden (2006) The Dangerous Book for Boys, J Foster (2007) The Girls Book How to be the Best at Everything)

Complicated, chaotic, but also euphorically structured, the first spread (Fig. 3) starts with Yibo Yang's representation of gender; it begins the essay with a feeling that I wanted to be carried throughout. A blue moon/sun floats in the top left, shining down on a diagrammatic centre. A red dotted line bridges the gap between hardlined borders, and haphazardly, but purposefully, written in the bottom left, is the word Gender, all on its lonesome. To me this felt like the beginning of it all.

I decided to pair an anonymous poem (from which the title of the Zine was birthed) with Yibo’s piece, as it is a stark contrast to the warm tones of its partner page, yet aligns with the darker blue of the moon/sun. Colder, wintery, unresolved; I left this page white, and sparse. In the top right, I placed a small image of a blood sucker, perhaps you’ll be scared to turn the page here, much as the poet seems scared to leave their ‘cove’.

(Fig 3, Yibo Yang, Anonymous)

Lighter in tone but in keeping with the black and white theme, comes Lottie’s and Sophie's submission (Fig 4.).These photos made me smile, the two of them alone in the woods together, infectious joy permeating through the pages. Paired with Rosa’s illustration, captioned with a childlike, singsonging ‘la la la’ this spread is one of quiet solitude, and happiness.

(Fig 4. Lottie and Sophie, Rosa)

From this we become sepia, fading back to colour (Fig 5) Angsty is what I’d call Sophie's piece, it appears as an off the cuff doodle which spiralled into something more. This feels fitting for Gender. It comes out in all the strangest times. Yet Lottie’s piece which sits beside Sophies feels purposeful. Curated. It's this juxtaposition of the two which I find so satisfying.

(Fig 5. Sophie, Lottie)

Transitioning into technicolour, in full modern swing; a starbucks coffee cup and an instagram post (Fig 6.). Superimposing the poem onto the mirrored label was a gesture to demonstrate the conjoined nature of the two submissions. Mattie turned Martin; perception of the self vs presentation of the self.

(Fig 6. Mattie)

This presentation of the self explodes onto the next page (Fig 7). Tomboy genderbending, with skater boy charisma, Honor and Talia show us what they want to be through their belongings. There is something sweet about this spread, a catalogue of personalities to choose from.

(Fig 7. Talia and Honor)

The last spread is one of sweetness, but also of contentment (Fig 8). ‘You’re just you, and I’m just me’. Both images radiate a halo of yellow light. One from the sodium street lamps, the other from an unknown source- perhaps from Nino themselves. It begins the closing of the book, I wanted the ending note to be a major chord.

(Fig 8. Maya, Nino)

The back of the zine is a collection of 8 submissions (Fig 9). I felt the need to make sure the reader knows that the expression does not end here. Even when the zine is closed, gender expression is bursting through. These submissions have no caption- no explanation. They are a question and statement to the reader, asking, what else?

(Fig 9. Misc submissions)

I think especially with the topic of gender expression, it is hard to put into words what our feelings are- yet with images, there is a mutual understanding that doesn't require written thought. ‘Seeing comes before words’ (APA. Berger, J. (2008). Ways of seeing. Penguin Classics). The similarities between people's emotions were surprising to me, and I tried to display through the order of the images. This photo essay made me more aware of the dualitys between sadness, struggle, and uncertainty; with joy, contentment, and exploration; that exists within gender expression.

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